I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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