I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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