I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
