I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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