A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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