3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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