You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Buhtt sex?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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