DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Non-Jews are for practice
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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