Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
