are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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