oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
