I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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