dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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