sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
