I wish I only lived at night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
