can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
