you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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