I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
