How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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