shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
