I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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