Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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