My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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