mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
