Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
