so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
