May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
