I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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