jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
