I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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