I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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