Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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