Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
