Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
