I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
