ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Buhtt sex?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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