he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
