Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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