I'm jealous of your bromance
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
