Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
