we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
