I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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