while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
