Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
