but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
40s are totally the cure
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
