well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
