I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
