So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
