Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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