im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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