Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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