I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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