have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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