Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
