My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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