she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
