i don't like sucking hair
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
