i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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