If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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