Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
