I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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