ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
