Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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