my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
