I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
