We named our party play list daddy issues
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
