Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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