but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I need moral support for this bender
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
